Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Time Marches On

It is the middle of the night and I am up once again with a cranky baby.  Two hours have gone by. I have nursed her, changed her, burped her, changed her, burped her, swaddled her, burped her, shushed her and broken into tears as I lay her down and she once again will not let her exhausted little body give in to sleep.  It is in these moments that I tell myself I can’t wait until this phase is over. I know that down the road she will sleep, but the minutes tick by like agony. 

I wake up late thanks to A.P. who is sweet enough to take morning duty with the munchkins so I can snooze. I am grumpy and discouraged, wondering when this grueling phase of Baby Zar’s life will meld into a more restful and peaceful phase for all of us.  Crying out to Jesus these days is (sadly) the farthest thing from my weak and tired and mind. I read Jesus Calling as I eat cereal and it was obviously written for me for today:

Jesus Calling  June 27

Rest with me a while. You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded with uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey.

I designed time to be a protection for you. You couldn’t bear to see all of your life at once. Though I am unlimited by time it is in the present moment that I meet you. Refresh yourself in My company, breathing deep draughts of My presence. The highest level of trust is to enjoy Me moment by moment. I am with you, watching over you wherever you go. 

In my exhaustion, I have desperately wished that this time would fly by. But how selfish and shortsided of me! To wish away the beautiful middle of the night moments when my daughter snuggles in to nurse, when she looks up at me with trusting eyes and studies my face, those moments that remind me of the sacred responsibility that is mine.  And even worse, to question God’s perfect plan and presence that is evident in this stage of life. Yes, it is cripplingly exhausting, but such a gift.

Life is never certain and (as morbid as it sounds) I don’t know what will happen tomorrow or how much time I will have with this precious girl.  How selfish of me to take for granted the times that she graces my presence.  Time marches on, but I want to enjoy every minute of it. 

Saturday, June 23, 2012


 Baby Zar
Born: June 3, 2012
Time: 6:30 a.m.
Weight: 7lbs 3.5 ozs
Length: 20 inches

Brand new

We couldn't be more thrilled that this little lady entered our family three weeks ago.  It has been a whirlwind of adjustment, but also a time filled with much happiness and joy. We are getting to know each other and enjoying every minute of it...even the ones filled with screaming! She is a great baby and we are so thankful for an amazing toddler who has really done well with the adjustment.  He is crazy about his sister!  

Time with Daddy in the hospital

Zar is not our little lady's real name. It is close, so it is the nickname I will use for her here on the blog.  This is what Little t has started calling her and I think it pretty cute.

She's a beauty

Not a day goes by that we don't realize how deeply blessed we are by being given this little treasure. We are so excited to see what big things God has in store for this little one.  We pr.ay that He will use her in mighty ways to show His goodness to those around her.  We are feeling very honored and humbled to be given the gift and responsibility of raising her and her big brother. 

In keeping with the craziness of our family - her birth was anything but normal.  I am almost done writing it and will share it soon! In the meantime I will be snuggling with this girl and smooching those perfect little cheeks! (And trying to get a little sleep too!)

Thursday, June 14, 2012

All Things New

It was breathtaking to walk outside into the crisp morning air after a long night of lying in my bed while timing and counting contractions. It was one of those moments where time seems to stand still. I was enveloped by the sunshine and birds singing. The clean morning air wrapped peacefully around my skin. 

A few seconds later, another contraction would snap me back into reality, but those seconds where all of my senses were so fine-tuned are burned into my memory. I wanted to stay in the peace and stillness of that moment forever. 

Moments later…and I mean like a minute or two…I joined hands with my husband to bring our daughter into the world (the full story will follow soon).  Slimy and sticky, she let out a hearty cry before settling in on my chest and looking around with wide eyes. 

The ride to the hospital with quiet and relaxed. Music played in the background, A.P. and I chatted and gazed at our daughter.  Our life had turned upside down (in a more exciting fashion than we were planning).

I am still struck by the beauty that happened that morning.  The sun shone brightly and there was deep peace in the air. New life had never been more rich or real as the baby that I cradled in my arms. 

She is 11 days old now. Her cheeks are getting chubbier by the meal and her skin is silky and smells so sweet. This little lump of baby that naps on my chest as I type still takes my breath away.  Her big brother, who has been fantastic through all of this transition, slumbers in his bed upstairs. He will no doubt wake up as his joyful self in a few minutes. 

In a world that is cold and scary and dark, the faces of these little ones give me hope.  Their beauty and innocence, the way they embrace life and trust deeply paves the way for my heart to know there is something better and more beautiful. Through their eyes and little lives, I see the gentleness and grace of a beautiful Savior.  He gives and takes away, He restores and renews. He is the one who formed my children together in my womb. He breathes life into my little ones. He makes all things new.