Tuesday, October 30, 2012

It is nighttime...

It is 1 am and the house is quiet. The rest of the family sleeps...for now. My body is tired, but my brain continues to go in a million different directions. Lists of what needs to be packed, what needs to be done, who needs to be seen, who needs to be called, what can't forgotten, clog my head.  So much left to do and the minutes tick by.

I struggle with the last days before a major transition. I just want it to be over. If there was a magic wand for goodbyes and packing I would spend a lot of money on it because it is really hard for me. I would rather pretend it doesn't need to happen...but that makes for a really tired and stressed me and a really crabby husband, so I need to get down to business.

We are ready to head back, but face uncertainty as always.  For once in our lives it would be nice to have a little bit of clarity and sanity...but then again what fun would that be, right?

Two weeks ago right before A.P. returned, we Skyped and he sent me photos of our new house in M-ville. It included the renovations that had been made (don't get excited...nothing fancy...just patching holes in ceilings, etc) and the crazy paint colors that were on the walls.  I was excited.  I have packed and planned with that house in mind.  I should have known better.

Last week a bomb ripped through the heart of our city. Killing at least 50 and wounding at least 50 more.  Once again, our plans to return to that city are on hold.  We will still move to the city (Maz) 3 hours away as we have been planning for a while. In the beginning we planned on being in Maz a month or two while we waited for our teammates to return from home assignment.  Now, security takes a nasty turn and we are left wondering how long we will be stationed there.  We have friends and a good community in Maz, so we can't complain, but it still makes us sad.  It is hard to think about friends who grieve in M-ville. It is hard to think about the fantastic interaction A.P. had with those people there and the doors that God is opening in people's lives and how this latest incident could really put a kink into what we think He is doing there.  But then again, He knows better than us how He is working in that place. And He is bigger than bombs and our meager efforts...thankfully.

My eyes are drooping and Baby Zar is stirring.  Hopefully we can both find sleep again soon...