For the Days When It Seems Hopeless:

I have been doing this following Jesus thing for a while now, so you would think I wouldn’t be so surprised by the obvious. But sometimes it smacks me right between the eyes. 

The obvious fact that Satan is ticked when God is on the move. 

We are feeling that in big ways here in M-ville these days.  And while it seems obvious, and we acknowledge it, sometimes the swiftness (other times the subtleness) of the blows still takes our breath away. 

For example:

Several good things are happening in the orthopedic workshop that our org runs here.  People are stepping up in leadership and initiative – and not just the “we want to boss people around and feel good about being labeled leaders” but the actual, “we will do the ugly work of calling people out and putting people to task for their actions so that we can all move forward and be better” type of leaders. One of the HUGE needs of this country and the main goals of our org is helping to develop leaders like this, so that is exciting.   The workshop also runs a preschool for disabled kids 2 days a week. Recently a teen girl moved to town (relocated for her dad’s work) who is deaf. She sat down and immediately started interacting with these kids and teaching them sign language (something the program has been praying about for months). Her aunt who is a professional in helping with special needs lives in the city 3 hours away and is interested in coming to help facilitate training for other teachers here…HUGE answer to pra.yer.

The clinic has also received money to build guest accommodation for people who come from far reaching villages for surgery or therapy. This will help save money in the long run. It will provide stable care for patients with acute cases. Another big answer.

And what is Satan up to in the midst of the joys? The biggest thing happened this morning.  A decision was made to fire a girl who has been misbehaving in major ways lately. Long story short, there has been major issues with her and her family and it had to end.  She threatened to kill herself when she was told her job was over. She disclosed that her mom has been selling her to men and it will only get worse now that she doesn’t have a job. There are many more details, but they just make me kinda sick, so I will leave them out. Her parents showed up in the middle of her hysteria and blamed the clinic and our workers for “forcing” her into this behavior. They were upset she was being fired.  Three days ago, they were demanding she be fired because she shouldn’t be working in a place that “allowed” her to misbehave so greatly. What a mess…now she is seen as used goods and if they don’t kill her first they will try to marry her off.  Makes me sick…and wonder why we are even here.  Kinda overshadows all of the good things taking place.

Or another example:

I had just finished writing our newsletter expressing the deep peace we feel about being here when I received a message from a loved one stating their concern with us being here. It put me in a funk all day…which led to the downward spiral of seeing the devil behind every bush, which led to the unhealthy attitude of hopelessness and fear about everything…which led to an hour or so of lamenting why God didn’t send us to a quiet safe beach somewhere. Because fish need Je.sus too, you know! So quickly I lose sight of that peace that anchors me and drives me to interact with people here and love deeply.

Or another...

Today we invited Little t’s friend Pete over to play. Being that Little t will be the only foreign kid here in a few weeks, I am trying to be proactive in the whole “play with locals” thing.  Pete loves coming over and we love having him, so I was optimistic about it.  I didn’t even think twice when his older cousin (10 year old Henry) asked to join.  Usually Henry is a good kid, but today he was a mess.  He played rough with the little boys all day. Kids usually play rough here…like really rough…but this was a little too much for me.  He would make Pete cry and blame it on Little t. He would scare Little t and laugh.  He laughed as he stole toys from Pete in the sandbox and worked the little guy up into a rage as he taunted him.  When Pete started to cry he smacked him on the head and said “don’t cry” and then laughed when Pete cried even harder and did it again.  I asked him how old he was and told him he was acting younger than the two little boys. I finally got so sick of it I told them to go home.  There is only so much ugliness I want my two year old subjected to at a time…and he had had more than his fair share for the day. 

I was discouraged.  Here I talk up this interaction with local kids and how great it will be…but sometimes it just plain sucks.  I found myself doubting us being here and Little t growing up in this environment, even though I know he is happy and healthy. I have confidence that he can glean great truths from being exposed to the harsh realities of the world while we humbly strive every day to show him Jesus in every way possible.  I am scared, but I trust that the Father's  grace is enough.

And in the midst of the blows, God brought 2 Corinthians 5 and 6 into my mornings. I was deeply humbled and reminded that none of this is beyond His reach. That these hardships are refining us and bringing us closer to the Throne of Grace. I was challenged to once again testify that every person in this dark city matters to God just as much as I do. My life is no more important, I am no better. I mustered up the strength to rejoice in the moments…seeing through the stars of the sucker punches into the face of the Savior who cleans my wounds and fills me with peace. 

It is true that Satan works his hardest when God is on the move and we believe that the King of Kings is doing mighty things in and through us in these days…mainly because we are broken and can do nothing but cling to him. 

So, this is a reminder for myself as much as anyone for the coming days that may seem hopeless: God is on the move when we are in the throes of the battle.  He has not forgotten us and ALWAYS comes out victorious in the end.  I am clinging to that Truth in these days.