Somewhere, Anywhere

“Somewhere, Anywhere” is the phrase that runs through my head a lot these days…I find myself envisioning a walk through the market in Bangkok complete with Pad Thai and mangoes and sticky rice off the street. I dream of soaking up some sun on a beach in India. I wish we were riding through the mountains of northern Luzon with great anticipation of mountain coffee in a small coffee house. I daydream about being back in Indo, visiting with friends. I long to be back in A-stan, walking the dusty streets, enjoying the contrasts of life that break my heart and make me fall in love with that place and people all over again. My heart wants to be “somewhere, anywhere” in these days.

We have had such a good time in the States and have loved every minute of it, but more and more I long to be pouring out, stretched, challenged by life in another place. And yet, we sit here with no idea what comes next. Part of me is okay with that – hanging on to the truth that God is in control and His timing is perfect. But another part of me wants to be doing something, anything to be making a difference. I am scared that I will get lazy and complacent. I am so thankful for the Spirit that continues to bring uncomfortable truth to mind – I can’t help but think often about the fact that so many in the world live on less than a dollar a day…sadly enough it usually doesn’t make me think twice about spending the dollar (or more). I can’t stop thinking about the simplicity and complexity of our life in other countries and I long for that. I don’t want to get complacent in this time.

I find it hard to fit in at times…in the middle of church or a conversation I want to say, “hey, don’t you realize what is going on in the world??? Do you care???” But then half of the time I don’t care enough to do anything myself (saving my dollar to feed someone instead of spending it myself). Also, I am being challenged with caring about those around me…I find myself thinking so much about people around the globe that I don’t look at the needs and the hurts right around me…am I reaching out to my neighbors (do I even know them???)? Do I know what people are struggling with? Do people feel like they can count on me to listen, love, help, etc…or do they think I am too wrapped up in my own issues and things around the world to care what they are going through?

I think often of our friends J&E in these days and the wonderful work they do. I think about their calling and passion for working with the people they are among. One thing that sticks out from our time with them that I find myself so desperately wanting is the firm conviction and confirmation they have for God calling them to be where they are and doing what they are doing. They have a wonderful testimony of how God has lead them to that place and several ways that he has made it clear that they are supposed to be there doing that work amongst those people. E said that when they are lonely, sick, discouraged, etc…those confirmations are what keep them going because they know that God has been in the whole process of getting them there and keeping them there. I WANT THAT BAD!!! Maybe it comes with just having NO idea what is next (though we know what we wish was next) but I find myself longing to hear God’s gentle voice as He lead and guides and confirms us of His good and perfect plans for us. I really think that this will help when the days do get long and frustrating and discouraging.

I also think it would help for dealing with people who are not supportive at. all. of what we do or where we work (if we go back to A-stan). It gets old, I’ll be honest. I am not sure why people seem to think that they are free to have a say in what we do with our lives…yes we are supported financially by people…but we answer to God. The people who tell us that they hope we don’t go back are hard to handle…and yet I know that they need to be loved and respected just like everyone else…I just hope that God continues to give passion and vision and leading because we will desperately need that confirmation to hold us true to His calling and will when dealing with some people.

So, it is a fine line these days. My heart longs to return to the place that God desires us to be…but I know that He is waiting for the right time to reveal that…and I don’t want to get ahead of His perfect plans.