It's Enough

I finally sat down and wrote in my journal this morning. I took some moments after the boys left for chu.rch and Baby Zar was still sleeping to pour out my thoughts.  I find that my spiritual health is directly connected to how much I write in my journal.  The more time I am spending in the Word, the more words I write in that book with tattered pages. I won't divulge the date of the last entry in my journey. It is embarrassing.  I have allowed my time with my Creator to slip on the priority scale.

 I don't consider it a coincidence that a reawakening in my heart has been happening at this season of new life.  All around me, life and freshness are bursting forth.  In my heart as well, God is prying back the dormant layers.

I am humbled by the gift of life and hope that He has given me.  The phrase that keeps mulling over in my heart and mind is: "It's enough."

I am quick to  try to reason with God, to justify. I am quick to throw fits because I don't get my way. I mean, isn't it enough that I live in this place, sacrifice a lot, work hard to raise my family well and engage with people here....do you really have to make both of my kids wake up early from napping and be super crazy while I am trying to wash cloth diapers???  

That may or may not (it definitely is) something I whispered shouted to God this week in the midst of a  crying baby girl, a wet bathroom and a kitchen floor covered in toilet paper snow thanks to my three year old.

But God is reworking my heart.  Because in that moment, He brought me back to Easter story that Little t and I had read earlier in the day and asked ME if that was enough.  Amidst the soapy water and screaming kids I hung my head in shame as I thought about His sacrifice for me.  How dare I think that what I give up is anything close to what He has done for me!

So in these less than perfect days of babies and dirty dishes and meeting new neighbors and spring, I am clinging to the fact that it is enough.  Truly His grace is sufficient for me.  He. died. for. me.  Please Jes.us help me learn to rest in that!

A friend posted this on Facebook and I am choosing to rest in this Truth today.

"We get that experience of God when He stretches open His arms on that Cross and cries, 'For you. For all your regrets and for all your impossibles, for all that will never be and for all that once was, for all that you can’t make right and for all that you got wrong, for your Judas failures and your Peter denials and your Lazarus griefs, I offer to take the nails, the sharp edge of everything, and offer you myself because I want you, to take you, you in your wild grief, you in your anger and your disappointment and your wounds and your not-yet-there, you, just as you are, not some improved version of you, but you – I came for you, to hold you, to carry you, to save you.'” - Ann Vokamp  

Thank you Jesus for being enough.

We took a trip

We recently traveled to Thailand for work meetings and a week of rest.  We recently returned from Thailand after a week of work meetings and a week of chasing two busy kiddos and not getting much sleep.  It wasn't actually the restful trip we had planned in the way we were thinking.  We were quickly reminded that traveling with two small kids is different than as a single or a couple.  A lot less sleeping happened than we were hoping.  We scheduled outings around naps and 6:30 bedtimes.  We ate quite blandly.  We came back tired and really ready to settle into our own house (as we had been living in someone else's house for the 3 months before that). But looking at the photos, we had a fantastic time. I will make a few posts with photos because there are several. Here is the beginning.

bathing beauty- Baby Zar got baths in the sink every day. She loved it!

Biker Boyz - A.P. rented this motorcycle and he and Little t spent many hours exploring with it

Little t wore this helmet all.the.time. His poor little head was always so sweaty, but he was always ready for a ride!

Love these babies!

The boys got us roses from a local farmer on Valentine's Day. Baby Zar was so touched by the gesture that she decided to eat hers.

One of the highlights of our trip was the 'circus' that was up the road. We stayed in a house in a subdivision of mostly older foreign people a little outside of Hua Hin (3 hours south of Bangkok). Up the hill was a Buddhist temple that had just finished major renovations. So to celebrate that as well as Chinese New Year, they had a week long celebration. All around the clock, chanting, praying, music, and noise blared from that area.  We were just far enough away that it wasn't annoying (i.e. didn't keep us up at night) but we could definitely hear it.  We went up two or three evenings to check it out. We ate street food, rode rides, shopped, and took in the busy, noisy, dusty fun of it all.  Below are some photos of that time.

Entering the circus area, which was full of stalls of food and things for sale

The temple is in those trees. The whole things was lit up with fluorescent bulbs hung from the trees.

Ferris Wheel! All 4 of us crammed in one cage and went for a ride.  

Little T loved the rides...especially the merry-go-round

He drew quite the crowd as he showed off his mad jump skills!

Baby Zar chilled most of the time - such a good baby!

Waving hi.  She waved at Little t every time he came around on the merry-go-round.  Seeing as the ride was about 10 minutes long because the operator went to take his smoke break, poor little thing's arm almost fell off!

Heard Lately...

It struck me today that some pretty funny things have been said around our house recently. I decided to share as a way to ease back into blogging...and pretend that it hasn't been over 2 months since I posted anything on here!
 - Little t has taken to calling me Pretty Lady. I am really really okay with this. He can be heard during the day saying, "hey pretty lady! want to kiss my muscles?" Really? who can resist that?

 -The chowkidar here is a very nice guy that we like a lot. He is great with Little t and does good work. I am finding it strange though that he addresses me as Said...which basically means boss or master. I don't know if it is because he can't remember my name, or if it just an impulse thing or what...but it is weird. I am beginning to toy with the idea of having Little t give him lessons in calling me pretty lady. I mean, what girl doesn't want to be called that multiple times a day?!?

 -DaDaDaDADADADADA! This is what we hear from Baby Z all day. She loves her daddy and isn't afraid to let us know! She also waves when someone says hi, bye or salaam. She is babbling up a storm, but Dada is definitely her first word.

 -Little t was talking with my parents on Skype the other morning and very seriously informed them that he is going to be a policeman when he grows up. My mom asked what Baby Zar is going to be. Without skipping a beat Little t replied, "A giraffe!"

 -Later in the conversation my brother joined and told Little t that he decided to be a giraffe when he grows up. Little t said "wow! cool!" Tate asked Little t what Baby Zar was going to be and he replied, "a hippo"

 -Little t earlier today, "mom, I would really like you to pinch my buns!"

 -Me to Little t this morning at breakfast: "It is not okay to pull your sock off of your foot and wipe oatmeal off of the table with it...not okay."

 -Little t is convinced that Baby Z's middle name is Peter. No idea where this came from.

 -A.P. really really likes pad thai (the traditional Thai noodle dish). He ate it often while we were in Thailand. One day during lunch he said, "You know, all of these old white guys have it figured out. They come here and marry a Thai lady and then she can cook them pad thai every day. How great would that be, to get fat off of pad thai...so great."

 -A.P. also really likes pilau (the local traditional rice dish). Last night during his second meal of pilau for the day he said, "I wonder how many years it will be before I am that old man who takes a plastic bag to weddings to take all of the leftover pilau home to eat? Not long at the rate I am going!" This morning when he was really sick, he agreed that he might postpone such pilau gluttony for a while.

 -During a conversation the other day about a local co-worker it came up that he comes from an important family but he himself isn't so important because he is the son of the fourth wife. We decided to make that our new insult, "you son of the fourth wife!"

 - Conversation that happens every day when Little t comes home from preschool. I ask how his day was and he says, “dreat! (great) I didn’t have any time outs and I got a piece of candy!”

 And lastly: - Usually Little t isn't interested in pra.ying at the dinner table unless he is in a good mood. He is usually in a good mood when he comes home from preschool. The other day he started to pray - in a very fervent voice he began, "thank you God for the Lord!" I cracked up...and blamed it on Baby Zar. He is such a funny little stinker.

 And let's be honest...you all would rather see pictures of my cute kiddos than read crazy stories. So here are a few...

On Turtle Beach in Thailand. Little t was in heaven

Peas....Yum!