It's Enough

I finally sat down and wrote in my journal this morning. I took some moments after the boys left for chu.rch and Baby Zar was still sleeping to pour out my thoughts.  I find that my spiritual health is directly connected to how much I write in my journal.  The more time I am spending in the Word, the more words I write in that book with tattered pages. I won't divulge the date of the last entry in my journey. It is embarrassing.  I have allowed my time with my Creator to slip on the priority scale.

 I don't consider it a coincidence that a reawakening in my heart has been happening at this season of new life.  All around me, life and freshness are bursting forth.  In my heart as well, God is prying back the dormant layers.

I am humbled by the gift of life and hope that He has given me.  The phrase that keeps mulling over in my heart and mind is: "It's enough."

I am quick to  try to reason with God, to justify. I am quick to throw fits because I don't get my way. I mean, isn't it enough that I live in this place, sacrifice a lot, work hard to raise my family well and engage with people here....do you really have to make both of my kids wake up early from napping and be super crazy while I am trying to wash cloth diapers???  

That may or may not (it definitely is) something I whispered shouted to God this week in the midst of a  crying baby girl, a wet bathroom and a kitchen floor covered in toilet paper snow thanks to my three year old.

But God is reworking my heart.  Because in that moment, He brought me back to Easter story that Little t and I had read earlier in the day and asked ME if that was enough.  Amidst the soapy water and screaming kids I hung my head in shame as I thought about His sacrifice for me.  How dare I think that what I give up is anything close to what He has done for me!

So in these less than perfect days of babies and dirty dishes and meeting new neighbors and spring, I am clinging to the fact that it is enough.  Truly His grace is sufficient for me.  He. died. for. me.  Please Jes.us help me learn to rest in that!

A friend posted this on Facebook and I am choosing to rest in this Truth today.

"We get that experience of God when He stretches open His arms on that Cross and cries, 'For you. For all your regrets and for all your impossibles, for all that will never be and for all that once was, for all that you can’t make right and for all that you got wrong, for your Judas failures and your Peter denials and your Lazarus griefs, I offer to take the nails, the sharp edge of everything, and offer you myself because I want you, to take you, you in your wild grief, you in your anger and your disappointment and your wounds and your not-yet-there, you, just as you are, not some improved version of you, but you – I came for you, to hold you, to carry you, to save you.'” - Ann Vokamp  

Thank you Jesus for being enough.