Morning Musings

I was up early this morning...Little t woke up at 4:30 and I nursed him and changed his diaper before putting him back to bed.  I was back in bed at 5 and then laid awake for a half an hour telling myself I didn't really have to go to the bathroom that bad and not to itch my bug bites. Finally I gave up and got up so I wouldn't wake the boys up.  Sitting on the "veranda" with my Book and journal and coffee, I was almost giddy. Such a beautiful and simple time.  These were the thoughts on my heart...

Maybe I am the only one who feels this way…but early mornings in the developing world just have a mystical feel to them.  I know early mornings are nice everywhere…(wait, I don’t know that because I am not a morning person. I am more of a sleep however long is possible and then make a feeble attempt at being slightly functional before noon type person). But every time I make the effort to get up early, I am rewarded.

The sun shines clearly not yet hindered from the dust and heat of the day. The breathtaking silence of night sounds gives way to an explosion of sounds. Donkeys bray and chickens sound their wake-up calls.  Birds sing in the trees and flit and fly from place to place. Vehicles of all shapes and sizes fill the air with exhaust and noise as they take people to their places. People pump water, tea kettles whistle.  A hammer begins to pound, a gate opens, kids chatter as they walk by on the street. The broom makes it’s methodic morning sounds kAkA drags is against the cement.  The morning air begins to fill up with dust and exhaust, while at the same time fighting to maintain the freshness that lingers from the stillness of night.

I am literally choking back tears of awe and wonder as I sit here and bask in these moments.  It sounds corny, I know, but moments like this make me SO happy. 

Then I realize that it isn’t the moments, but the culmination of the moments.  It is life.

So full and so good. 

I frequently find myself with a lump in my throat as I realize the beauty and the power of these days. In reality there is nothing special about them. They are just days and we are just living life…but wow! They are sacred and beautiful in their goodness. 

Little t may be a nightmare and we may be hot and there are never ending fleas and diarrhea, etc.

But there is peace.

There is deep, abiding, overwhelming peace that pervades these days.  The way is not always easy, but it is good because He has called us to walk in it and we are.

It is crazy when I really stop and think about it at times.  Crazy that this place and this life could make me so happy. 

Security and freedom and sanitation are all figments of our imagination in this place.  And yet we rest in Him.

There is great potential for hopelessness and fear to prevail. But we rest in Him.

Misunderstanding, fear and paranoia are rampant in both of our worlds (the one we came from and the one in which we now dwell). Sadly, these two worlds tend to clash in very ugly ways these days. But we rest in Him.

Love for our families, intense longing to live life with them and deep guilt over being absent weigh heavily at times. But we rest in Him.

Who knows if this will be the calm before the storm?  Though they are beautiful and good and full and right for us at this time, we hold these days loosely. I am glad we can’t see around the corner, what will happen when we get around the next bend.  I am thankful that we have no idea what next year or next week or even today holds in store. Because even though these days are beautiful and I cherish them, they are not always easy. And I am very seldom strong. 

“The days are short, there is much work to do!” How can we not hold on tight with this in mind? Though we may not know what is ahead and it may be hard, we dig in in this place.  Jumping in with both feet, distinctly aware of the risk and the challenge, but thankful just the same for the gift of this life.

I know it sounds naive, but how can we choose anything other than Him and His ways?

Some days it feels like a real life lions den or real life fiery furnace. Just like those circumstances, I am sure it looks like that from the outside.  Crazy. Foolish. Dangerous. Chaotic. But there is peace in the uproar. Truly He is grace and hope and peace in the midst of this chaos. We cling to Him and we find life.