30 Days of Yearning - The Neighbors

A new aspect of life here in M-ville is our concentrated effort to get to know our neighbors.  In Lal we were both working a ton and in the villages for days at a time. When we were home, we (sadly) had no interest in having interaction with our neighbors. We made that quite clear and probably offended quite a few of them.

The view down our street - looking to the right out our gate

The view down our street - looking to the left out our gate. The river is in the distance.

Here in M-ville, we are making efforts to really get to know people.  With me being home all day and with Little t being unbelievably social, we are making needed strides to interact with those around us.   We have also been challenged with the ramifications this has for our reputation in the community and our ability to share about the changes Jesus has made in our lives.  See, unlike Lal where foreigners have been for decades, we are relatively new here in M-ville.  Our team has been here for 7 years and still, we encounter people every.day. who are unsure about us.  So, we have a long ways to go in terms of p.r. and it is important get our name and face out there as people who are honest, hard-working, responsible, here for the best interest of the people of M-ville, family oriented, modest, etc. Interacting with the neighbors is one way of putting ourselves out there. They get to know us and talk to others, who talk to others, who talk to others…because if there is one thing that is not suffering in this country it is the Gossip Monster.  He is fed more than any living thing in this place. Simply put, gossip runs rampant in these parts. And we want good gossip circulating about us in this place.  

So, the neighbors are slowly becoming a part of our daily lives. I was nervous to visit the neighbors at first because I was used to interacting with poor women from the village and didn’t know what I would talk about with these “city” women.  Conveniently enough, our neighbors ARE poor village women, so it really is no different and I feel comfortable going to see them. For the neighbors on one side, an added bonus is the fact that they have goats and a cow with a calf. For Little t it is like going to the zoo and he needs absolutely no convincing to make his way over there.

The ‘goat’ neighbors, as we refer to them in our house are an interesting family. They are the ones we visit the most often and I will tell their story today.

The first time I went with a teammate, I was surprised to enter their yard and find a barren strip of land, with a few mud homes built into the corner, a small pile of trash in the middle and the animals and outhouse on the far end.  I hadn’t been in other yards besides those of our teammates and to see a local house here brought me back to the reality of where we are.  There were no flower gardens or cement sidewalks, or kids jungle gyms…this was the real thing.  What real life for many people in this land looks like.

There are two family units who live there…two sisters and their families.  One of the sisters is married. She and her husband and 2 or 3 kids live in one house. The husband works and they seem to be slightly better off.  The other sister is a widow and two or three of her 5 kids live there.  She has a son working in a nearby country, a son who is a drug addict who lives on the streets here in M-ville, a daughter whose husband is in jail (the daughter and her 3 year old live there with the mother) and a few younger kids (ages 10 or so).

There is also a brother who lives in the yard who has some mental issues.  He is often laughed at by the family as he sits on his own and talks or sings to himself.  Today he was on the street (wearing only baggy pants and no shirt) and young kids were laughing and throwing rocks at him.  He threw rocks back as he babbled to himself.  Later we saw him lying in the dust on the side of the road.  It is heartbreaking to see the way that those with disabilities are treated in this context. Yet, for many families, there is such a fine line between making it and not that taking good care of a ‘weaker’ member is very low priority. That along with the fact that there is such a social stigma against people with disabilities (mainly from a lack of education and awareness). This makes it totally normal to objectify these people instead of treat them with respect.

Rabbit trail aside… back to the neighbors.

I have tried to make a point of going to visit often. Little t loves it. He gets such a kick out of the animals and his little friend over there.  He also does better and better with the endless coddling by the women (I think his cheeks are building up permanent calluses from all of the pinching). I am finding that this consistent interaction has led to some sort of give and take.  They bring food over and I send muffins back, they give milk from the cow and I send cinnamon rolls back. Their main source of food for the animals right now is melon rinds, so we have been trying to keep any of those that we can to give them. They keep asking if I will teach the boys English after school, but I haven’t committed to that yet.  I would rather have their kids come play in the yard with Little t, which was great when they came last week.

Their father died a few months ago and A and I both went to the funeral at their house (A went for the meal and I went later in the day as I had guests at the time of the meal). I also went to the follow-up remembrance days (10 days after and 30 days after) to commemorate the death of their father.  During their preparation for the meal (food for about 100 people) we threw the hose over the wall and pumped water for them so the wouldn’t have to haul as much from the well at the end of the street. They would love for this to become a normal thing…but we haven’t jumped on that yet.  You start with one family, then every family on the block is ready to have you give them water…and I will be honest in saying I have a hard time with that…something I am working on in my head and heart.

Upon visiting for the funeral, there were a few dozen other women who filled the room. One of them, an old old woman, asked me which military my husband was with. The sisters quickly corrected her that he was not here with the military but with an NGO and working with poor people in the villages. It is those interactions that we are hoping and praying for.  Good exposure.

One of the first days of Ramadan while we were visiting, the widow woman told me that they would be up at 2 am the next morning making potato pastries for their meals for the next day.  She invited me to come over and help/learn.  I was all geared up for it…told the guard that he would walk me (all 10 meters) over there, had my clothes laid out, my alarm set, etc.  I woke up at three and kicked myself for not hearing the alarm.  Knowing that they usually don’t stay up long when they get up during the middle of the night, I didn’t venture over…but instead convinced myself I should just fall back asleep. The next day they brought fresh pastries over and I hung my head in shame. 

Little t and the little boy in the family have become good friends.  They follow each other around, or run around the yard holding hands.  The other day I asked if the little guy could come over to our yard to play. His grandma laughed and said he wouldn’t go, that he would just cry.  15 minutes later…he accompanied us with his two uncles (ages 12 and 11) and his aunt (age 10). They stayed for a few hours and had a great time. The next time we went over, he followed Little t and I home and happily played here for ½ an hour. I am excited that Little t has this little friend and look forward to seeing their relationship grow.

Please be pra.ying for our relationship with these neighbors.  People before us have pr.ayed with them a lot (for sick relatives) etc. and that comes up in conversation.  They are poor and struggle.  They have asked often why A and his project are not helping them and are instead going out to help poor people in the villages.  I don’t have a good answer to that and it is something I think about a lot.  I become afraid of dependency – that if we help them too much they will stop trying to provide for themselves.  I also become afraid of a trend forming where other people in the neighborhood decide to ask for handouts and rely on us.  I have this picture in my mind of people constantly outside our gate asking for help and selfishly I really don’t want that.  There are real needs in the lives of people in our neighborhood and we want to be stretched and grown to help meet those needs.  Knowing how to do that isn’t always easy.

God's gift to us...coming home from an evening weekend walk. This was not retouched at all...the sunset usually looks like this. If only God's glory could burst through this place in this way...

I keep thinking about the words in my favorite Psalm – 37, verses 5 and 6. “I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging for bread. They are always generous and lend freely, their children will be blessed.” I can’t ignore the fact that we have a LOT more than those around us.  Please pr.ay for us to be wise in generosity to those around us.  Also pr.ay for hearts that don’t just see what we materially can give, but the eternal weight of glory that we can offer.