A Little Foggy

These days are busy and full and that is good…but I find it hard to sit down and try to put thoughts into words or feelings.  I begin and guests show up at the door or Little t wakes up early from his nap.  In the evenings I struggle to keep my eyes open long enough to jot down the goings on of these days. 

More than that though, things just seem a little foggy and maybe that is why I am more prone to silence in these days.  

We as a family and as a team face some big decisions and potential for big changes in these days.  Inwardly this makes me groan because for once in our lives I would like to go for more than a year without wrestling through big changes and transitions…but apparently that just isn’t how we roll. So, we are at this place again of seeking Dad’s direction for our next steps. 

We don’t know what this all means at this point in time and that is hard.  It could mean stay here in M-ville for the next 10 years, or move somewhere else in this crazy country, or move to another part of the world.  Honestly, at this point in time we feel clueless.

And that is hard. 

Have you ever been in that place of quiet? That place of waiting for Dad to give you a nudge or direct you…hovering where you are while the clock ticks and (if you are like me) you grow impatient.  I find it hard to connect with the day to day when I am waiting and seeking direction for the future.

I have been reading through a devotional called Streams in the Desert. I have really really appreciated September's readings as they have been about perseverance and suffering. I find it relating a lot to what Dad is doing in our lives in these days.  Last night the reading was about Abraham and how he waited in faith for God to move in his life even when it looked like nothing was going to happen…for years.  I was struck by his faithfulness in the waiting time…and how that built character and prepared him for what he would face in the future. 

It have me hope in this time of waiting and decision for us.  I was encouraged that even though the waiting and unknown is hard, it is growing patience and perseverance within us for the things to come. (Am I the only one who cringes at that thought??? That there is potential for even more challenges down the line in order for us to put into practice what we have learned now?)

I am totally in love with the new Shane and Shane album which comes out soon. But then again, I am totally in love with all of their music, so this is really no surprise.  A got it through a special early release for my birthday, ‘because he knows people’ (aka went to the website to get the special early release! : ) 

But this song…I can’t stop listening to it and it has become the pra.yer of my heart in these days. It just so sums up how we are feeling about this time in our lives in ways that I can’t begin to express.  Here are the lyrics…and I HIGHLY recommend the cd when it actually comes out in a few days (for all of your peons who don’t actually ‘know people'!)

Without You 

I can walk through the storm 

I can walk by faith when my sight is gone 

Just as long as you are here with me. 

And I can gain everything 

What do I have if I don’t have the King? 

Oh I need to know you are here with me. 

Chorus 

Here I am, Calling out Father, 

Can you hear me? Can you hear me? 

I don’t wanna go without you. 

Here I am, can you talk a little louder? 

So I can hear you, 

I wanna hear you 

I don’t wanna move without you. 

Even though I believe 

You’ve taken up a home inside me and will never leave 

I still need to know you’re here with me. 

Chorus 

Here I am, I’m calling out Father 

Can you hear me? Can you hear me? 

I don’t wanna go without you. 

Here I am, can you talk a little louder? 

So I can hear you, I wanna hear you

I don’t want to move without you.

 

If you are presence goes, I don’t wanna stay 

If your presence stays, I don’t wanna go 

I need you

So yeah, that pretty much sums it up…we are so longing to feel His leading in these days.  We love life here and selfishly (because we love it and are sick at the thought of leaving…and even more sick at the thought of moving again) would love to just be able to stay here for the next 5 years or 10. But if this isn’t the best place for us, we want to leave tomorrow. Because I am not super smart, but I have learned over the years that the will of the Father always brings blessing. Always.  It may not be easy, the blessing may not be what the world would call blessing, or it might be a long time coming after I obey…but it is always there.

So, we are calling out to the Father and pleading that the fog would lift and in time He would give us clear direction about what is next for us.  Because truly, in His will is our peace.

I was going through our photo album from Lal (in the excitement of planning our trip there in November) and found these and loved them...hence the random landscape shots.