No Higher Calling

Yesterday Little t and I took a bag of apple peels over to the goat neighbors…for their goats.  We made applesauce and (obviously) didn’t need the peels so we took them over to share. It has been a busy few weeks and though nearly every day I have told myself that we need to go visit these neighbors, we haven’t.  Little t was thrilled to go and so happy to see his little friend, Pete, and the goats again.

The situation is always semi awkward and yesterday was no exception.  They always invite me in the house for tea…which usually means we sit there with the t.v. blaring and they watch and we drink tea. I would have less of a problem with this if I didn’t have a very active and very curious toddler in tow who isn’t really into drinking tea or watching local language religious or cooking programs.  He would much rather go play with the goats, walk around the yard, etc.  In theory this sounds fine, except that the yard is not safe – piles of scrap metal (that they collect and recycle) uneven footing and very ornery goats who butt anyone who gets close leaves me on edge.  So, as much as I would like to relax and chat with a cup of tea in hand…I can’t.  I go back and forth between following Little t around while saying I will come in the house in 5 minutes and sitting in the house and worrying about him as he takes off out the door. 

That was a huge rabbit trail…

The other reason that it is always slightly awkward is the interaction between the grandmother and Little t’s friend, Pete.  Pete is a year older than Little t and very sweet. He is quiet and shy and doesn’t have a lot of friends (all of the other kids in his yard are 10+ years older.  His parents have a tragic story and his dad isn’t in the picture.  His mom is very sweet and works very very hard while the grandmother sits in the room and drinks tea and watches t.v. 

The grandmother is very very hard on Pete. Yesterday was no exception. Tea was brought out and Grandma handed Little t two pieces of candy.  Pete reached for one off the tray and after smacking him (hard) on the head she said, “don’t you dare take that candy, I’ll kill you!”  The first time we visited and I heard her say this, it shocked me, but now it just makes me sad.  Yesterday she also told him not to be mean to the cat by saying, “if you poke the cat with that stick, I’ll cut your hand off.”  Point taken. 

I hesitate to share this because it sounds extreme and 99.99% of me knows she loves him deeply and would never do anything to hurt him. But the part that kills me is the hurt and frustration and rage in his little eyes every time she reacts that way.  Several times yesterday, he burst into tears and after hitting her, flew out of the room in a three year old rage.  My spirit just ached for him and my eyes were opened to a very real problem in this country. 

See, this isn’t just a random thing that only happens in this family.  Many families have exchanges like this and they are toxic. I am beginning to see that much of the brokenness and dysfunctionality of this society starts in the home.  There is a definite lack of peace and unity in most families and I am beginning to believe that it affects children to the core.  From a very young age they are not treated with dignity and respect and much of that rage (along with a broken and volatile religion) makes prime breeding ground for hurtful behavior later on in life.  The husband was beaten by his father, he in turn beats his wife, who takes it out on the kids, who take it out on other kids, and the cycle goes on and on. 

Someone in our organization encouraged me the other day to begin thinking about what I wanted to do outside the home “because being home all day with your kid in this environment will drive you crazy”, he explained.  I agree that it is not easy to be at home all day…and I do mean all day – there are no malls or parks or playgroups to go to…it is us in our yard or in the yards of neighbors. The more I thought about this, however, the more I disagree and really and firmly believe that home is the most important place for me to be. It is important for my family that I am at home and able to create a stable and peaceful environment here. It is very important for Little t to have the input of his Momma. But I also am coming to believe that it is important for those around us as well.  Not only because of the cultural ramifications of so few women working outside the home in this place, but because there is HUGE work to be done in homes and families in this place.  If I do nothing more than display love and patience to my son, my husband and those around me, I have conquered the world. 

A and I felt early on in our marriage that one of the reasons that God was calling us to this part of the world was to be a light in dark situations, especially when it came to family and marriage.  And we still feel that way.  If all of our projects failed tomorrow, but we were able to be examples of treating each other with love and respect, of firm but gentle discipline for our son, of honesty and integrity in our home and relationships, we would have no regrets.  SO MANY homes and families and marriages here are built on broken and crumbling foundations.  I am not saying that we are perfect by any stretch, but we have one thing figured out.  We have prioritized Chr.ist as the cornerstone of our lives, our marriage and our family and HE makes all the difference. 

In a deeply broken world we long to bring the hope and fullness of Chr.ist into the lives and homes of those around us.  That means pra.ying peace over our house every morning and pra.ying peace over every house that we visit every time we go.  It means braving the potential of fleas to invite Pete to come play at our house.  Seeing his eyes light up at the toys and the chance to run around in the yard made it worth it.  He is not accustomed to sharing and neither is Little t, so we have a long ways to go, but he soaked in the time and we did as well. It means going to visit neighbors when I would rather stay home and enjoy the quiet of the afternoon.  It means making a priority of teaching our son love and respect and patience, putting others first and a heart for the lost. 

This can be a frustrating and emotionally draining place…and that is putting it lightly.  The constraints of security and culture make progress hard to come by.  More and more each day we are being convicted of our role of Hope and Truth in this place. To be a family that is an example of the change that Chr.ist has made in us.  I really believe that there is no higher calling.