Tales of the Thirsty: Final Part of Little T's Birth Story

We made it into the delivery room, a really big quiet room and they began to set things up. I was still hooked to the monitor, laying/sitting in the bed and freezing. They brought me some warm blankets and I was able to relax a little bit, though my back continued to be uncomfortable. Once everything was set up, the nurse turned her focus to me again and asked if I was interested in pushing, which I definitely was by that point in time.

Right around this time another nurse had come in and asked how I was feeling and what my pain level was. I told her it was probably a three or so. With a slightly disappointed look on her face she said, “oh, so I guess you don’t want an epidural then?” I laughed and politely told her to go away. A.P. became vigilant after that to remind the nurses that I didn’t want drugs or an episiotomy. It was his third job…after helping me visualize relaxing and getting me water after every contraction.

I now understand what women are talking about when they talk about “learning” how to push and it took me a while to learn that. Thankfully, during this time, the nurse let me try a few different positions. I got on my hands and knees on the bed and that helped relieve the back pressure, especially when moving my hips and doing cat/cow exercises during the contractions. After not too long, however, the nurse told me that she couldn’t get a good heartbeat in that position so I turned back onto my back and back to being uncomfortable. Once more I tried hands and knees, but she said the same thing. By then I was kicking myself for not brining my fetoscope – thinking that I could have just found the heartbeat myself.

After a while and some unsuccessful pushes, partnered with an uncomfortable back, A.P. asked the nurse if it would be possible for me to change positions. The nurse suggested I get out of bed and try to squat. I was very happy that she suggested this and hopped right out. It felt so good to be able to stand and move around between contractions…rocking my hips and doing the hula hoop motion really helped alleviate the back pain. During contractions, I squatted and leaned forward with my arms on the bed…I went through a few contractions like this, but didn’t feel like I was being very efficient or effective in my pushing. Looking back on it, I think I would have been more comfortable/effective if I would have leaned back against A.P. as I squatted and pushed…thinking about it now, I realize that the angle I was trying to push was all wrong. Also, the nurse kept telling me she was having a hard time finding the heartbeat. So, after a few contractions like this I crawled back into the bed. I tried hands and knees again, but once again ended up on my back.

Sometime during this time when I was pushing the nurses kept asking my why I hadn’t had a group B Strep test. I explained that I was planning on a low management labor and had chosen to forgo the antibiotics that would have inevitably been given because of that. Eventually I caved and said they could do the blood test, even though I reminded them that they wouldn’t get the results before the baby was born, so really it was just a formality. Apparently they were all about formalities because they called a lab tech right away. So between contractions…and during contractions actually…a lab tech was drawing blood. I would move a little during a contraction and apologize to her. She would at the same time apologize to me thinking she had caused it. It was quite comical. Thankfully she did a good job!

The doctor also came in around this time and we met her. She was the same doctor that Christa, A’s sister had with her kids and recommended. The nurse made her fingers into a circle about the size of a peach pit and told the doctor and us that she could see that much of the baby’s head. A while before she had showed us the end of her thumb and said she could see that much. A.P. got very excited when he looked after that and saw hair – his face came alive and he said “I see our baby and it has hair!”

That was good news to me because I was getting a little antsy. I wasn’t in pain, but was uncomfortable and slightly impatient…which wasn’t a great thing now that I look back on it. I remember thinking at that point, “maybe it would be quicker and easier to have them just do a C-section…then I could just get it over with.” This impatience caused me to be not smart in my pushing. The delivery nurse from the beginning had been counting off the pushes for me. So, I would start pushing and she would count to 10…I knew from reading, and watching other women in labor and also from the few pushes that I had tried to ten that it was too long. Holding a push to the count of 10 was too long for my body to comfortably handle and recover from before another contraction began. I began counting myself and only going to 5, 6, or 7 counts before I took a break. I felt like I was able to push better overall like this and it felt “safer” in a way. But when I got impatient, I went with the 10 count pushes, basically to just get it over with. It is a good thing that he was small and I didn’t have to push for longer than that because I wore myself out. My eyes hurt from pushing (and were later quite bloodshot), as did my whole face (which was red for quite a while after). And after each push, I just felt so exhausted. Also, seeing the huge black bruise on Little t’s forehead where he presented reminded me that I should have been smarter with my pushes. Not only were those long, forceful sustained pushes hard on my body, they were hard on his as well.

I was still drinking water like a crazy woman and A.P. was constantly filling it. Soon the nurse showed me a tennis ball sized ring with her hand and said she could see that much of the head. A.P. was getting more and more excited with each push and he continued to do great at helping me through contractions; holding my hand, rubbing my back, helping me visualize with each one. I didn’t find out until later that at this point he was scared out of his mind. A.P. was convinced that the small tennis-ball sized part of the baby’s head that could be seen was all the bigger his head was and that he was going to be born very small and most likely not alive. I had no idea of this until after the birth because A.P. did a good job of not showing his fear, but continuing to support me.

Not long after, the doctor was called back in and they began to prep for the birth. A.P. asked, “how much longer until she is crowing?” The doctor replied, “she is.” This was probably the most uncomfortable part of the labor for me, the amazing amount of pressure that I was feeling because of Little t’s head. I knew I needed to keep pushing, but each time I pushed, the pressure increased. The doctor was very good at coaching me through the contractions and A.P. continued to get more excited…though as he explains it, was just very fearful because Little t’s head had molded quite a bit, so still only the small tennis ball/baseball sized part was showing.

After a few pushes, the doctor told me to stop pushing and just let the contractions do the work. It was the hardest part of labor for me, to sit there with that incredible amount of pain and pressure and not do anything about it. I really didn’t want to tear though, so I waited. Two more contractions and Little t’s head was out. He was looking right at A.P. and A.P.’s eyes were wider than I have ever seen them. He looked from Little t to the doctor to me and back to Little t. Meanwhile, I pushed once more and Little t’s body fell out. It was a really strange sensation, after having so much pressure down there for so long, and suddenly it was gone and instead there was a little one on my chest.

Slimy and sticky and perfectly beautiful, Little t snuggled in and looked at me. We couldn’t believe it when the doctor said that he was a boy…we had been convinced he was going to be a girl. He only had one eye open and a head full of hair, and he was so so beautiful.

As I looked up at A.P., he was weeping and he finally spilled his emotions. He just kept saying, “I thought he was dead, the part of his head I could see just looked so little and it was so early, I thought he was dead.” But instead he was perfect. A.P. cut the cord and ran back to my side before the placenta was delivered. A.P. really really doesn’t like placentas! I tried to watch, but couldn’t see anything over the head of my beautiful son.

We hung out for a few minutes, getting to know each other and then they put Little t on the warming table and checked him out. I encouraged A.P. to go over and stay with him, he took a few pictures with our cell phones (we had forgotten to bring our camera in all of the excitement). Little t was breathing fine and yelling loudly.

The doctor told me that I hadn’t torn and was doing fine…I was so tired, but couldn’t stop smiling. Little t and A.P. came over to join me on the bed and it was such a sweet time together as a family.

Even though it was early and nothing at all like we had planned, it was still such a special event. The next two weeks would be very challenging as Little t remained in the NICU and we struggled to know how to care for him, deal with our own emotions, etc. But in spite of all of that, it was such a beautiful time. Those moments where his little body would sit so perfectly in my arms were incredible. The middle of the night feedings in the nursery were quiet and special. It was so exhausting, but then again, seeing that little face would make my heart melt and I realized that I would have done anything for my little boy.

And just because pictures are fun...Here are a few from that day...