I quietly slid the door to the bedroom open and as calmly as I could said to A.P., “I need you to wake up so I can talk to you. I need you to stay calm and not freak out, but we do need to talk.” Instantly he jumped out of bed in semi-attack mode…looking around with sleep-crazed eyes. He said, “What what what? Okay, I am up, I am ready. What is going on?” I told him once again to calm down and he sat down on the edge of the bed. He asked why I was sitting on the toilet and I told him that my water had broken and I had started having contractions. I hadn’t even finished the sentence before he was running to his side of the bed to grab the Bradley Birth Method book that he had been reading. He opened it as he asked me how far apart my contractions were. I told him as I groaned through another one. He looked up, shocked. He said, “T, those are really close. This can’t be happening yet, I haven’t finished reading the book yet, I’m not fully prepared for this!” I agreed that it was crazy, but that it really was happening.
He called Barbie, the midwife in Colorado to ask her what she thought…because she will be super-helpful 14 hours away right? But she had said to call her if I went into labor…so really he was just doing his duty. She was just as surprised as we were, but could tell by my moaning in the background and the contractions that were now 4 minutes apart that we weren’t messing around. She said she would call back in a few minutes with any help she could give of midwives in the area. I didn’t put much stock in that idea.
Meanwhile, A.P. had gone to tell his parents what was going on and get their help. They discussed hospital options and A.P.’s mom began to call around. The roads were our biggest issue. Most had not been plowed for two days and it had snowed all night with strong winds. There was a small hospital about 20 minutes away…but the roads were iffy. The bigger hospital, an hour away, seemed like a better bet…but again, the roads were iffy – the interstate had been closed for two days. Given the condition of the roads, how far we were from the hospital, and the fact that I was beginning to feel like I wanted to bear down with contractions, I knew it was good to leave sooner than later…wherever we were headed. Even when Barbie called back a few minutes later and suggested that she had found a midwife for us, I realized that I was already okay with the idea of going to the hospital. That was probably good seeing as the midwife lived about 6 hours away…on good roads.
Earlier, before I had woken A.P. up I had gone through a time of not really believing that this was happening and even saying that to myself. I guess that was the denial stage of my labor and I realized quickly that I needed to get over that and release the idea that it wasn’t going as planned and just go with it – work with the contractions, not against them. At that point, I don’t feel like I was struggling against the contractions, but working with them and embracing them as they came.
A.P. was in and out of the bathroom of the camper with me. He called his friend Kourt who is a sheriff to check on the roads. Kourt’s wife Nikki is a nurse, so A.P. asked Kourt about her knowledge of where we should go given the fact that I was early. His mom began to call around too. Kourt was working on getting plows on the road. A.P.’s dad was working on getting the truck warm and ready to go. A.P. was getting a bag thrown together to take with us (the bag I had ashamedly teased my friend Nikki only days before about). I was working through contractions and beginning to feel like I had to tell myself not pay attention to the pressure that I would have been easily tempted to push into. I did much better when A.P. was there to help me through the contractions. He would let me lean up against him and would talk me through them. I found that moaning during the contractions helped me focus on getting through them. They weren’t horribly painful, just strong and uncomfortable. In between contractions, we worked on packing the bag together, I would talk with him about what we needed and he would find it and put it in the bag.
At one point A.P. commented that the bag was ready and it kind of hit both of us at the same time that we hadn’t packed anything for the baby…and that we didn’t have a lot to pack for the baby! We have had some very generous friends and family members who have given us a great start of baby clothes and we had a whole bag of clothes for a newborn…in Wyoming at my parents house. I told A.P. where I had stashed the bag of clothes for 3-6 month old babies and he got it and brought it to me. As I went through it, I was struck by the realization that we really were going to have a baby that night…it was actually happening. I got out some warm clothes as I laughed at how huge they were and decided they would have to do.
I had been sitting on the toilet the whole time, mainly because of the crazy amount of water I was leaking. We had decided to not move me into A.P.’s parents house. Although a few minutes before I had gone through a phase where I decided we were delivering the baby at home. I had begun to picture it taking place in the bathroom in there and was okay with that. I later found out that A.P.’s mom had started boiling water to get ready for the homebirth as well! A.P. asked if I wanted to lay down on the bed in the camper and I considered it, but didn’t feel the urgent need to move. I was out of sight of people coming in and out of the camper, but even if they would have been able to see me, I would have cared less. I was in “work mode” I guess. Becky came in and talked to me for a minute too and I am pretty sure I was all business, very focused on contractions.
Eventually we decided that we needed to go to Ames, the town an hour away. Iowa Falls wouldn’t take me because I wasn’t 36 weeks and though I was a little afraid we wouldn’t make it there in time, I felt better about going to Ames. So, as soon as the decision was made we began to move into action.
Kourt showed up and Tim brought the truck up and they loaded the bag into it. I changed my pants and tried to figure out how to not keep my water from completely soaking everything (I quickly soaked through everything I put on when I stood up, but realized that it was just going to have to be that way.) As we were walking out of the camper I spotted Chance (the bear that A.P. had given me) and asked A.P. to get him for me…for some reason, I just wanted to have him to hang onto. I made it to the truck door before I had another contraction, so I had to stop there at the edge of the truck to have the contraction before I could climb in. I remember seeing Kourt and I tried to smile, but was busy having a contraction. Becky asked me right after the contraction, “do you think you will be able to make it 45 minutes to the hospital?” All I could reply was, “I hope so.” And that is really how I felt – I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but didn’t see that we had much of a choice.
So, I climbed into the truck, making a note as I did that I was glad I had bought two more shower curtains at the dollar store that weekend, “just in case”. I crawled in and got situated with the quilt from my Mom around me. I drank some water and realized again how thirsty I was (had been drinking a ton of water since I had gotten up and couldn’t get enough – basically between every contraction). We took off down the road, A.P. in the middle, Tim driving, me in the passenger seat. I remember thinking it was funny at one point that Tim was going with us and realized that I had just expected us to go by ourselves…but decided it was good that he was with us.
Kourt was in front of us with his lights flashing and the roads were pretty decent. A.P. kept talking me through contractions – I had a lot of pain in my lower back and though I was somewhat crampy during them, it was more a matter of just being uncomfortable. I tried to get as comfortable as I could in the truck and A.P. was doing a great job of coaching my through contractions. With each one he would say, “okay, now picture yourself with me on the beach in Puerto Galera (one of our favorite beach destinations in the Philippines), the air is warm, the water is perfect, we can just float on the water and don’t have to worry about a thing. Just relax your whole body and float with me.” If there was a part of my body that he could tell was tense he would point it out to me and tell me to relax it, like if I started gripping his hand hard, etc. It really did help me be able to relax through the contractions.
Kourt took us to the interstate and then we were on our own. The roads weren’t bad, but I didn’t pay a lot of attention to them. I remember A.P. telling me that his mom had called Sherry E and asked her to be praying. She had also called my parents and I remember being glad that someone had thought of that. Though I knew that I was very definitely in labor and quite far along, it still would hit me at certain points along the ride that we were actually doing this, and that we would be meeting our baby sooner than later. Like when I heard A.P. say that he would call after the baby was born. It struck me that it was really happening.
The trip down went fine, going from one contraction to the next. Tim did a great job of driving though I wasn’t really paying attention. I do remember focusing really hard on one contraction and then kind of “coming out of it” and refocusing on the world around me and was a little overwhelmed to be in the truck and on the interstate. I also tried to not pay attention to where we were because I thought the trip would go faster if I didn’t.
Eventually we pulled off the interstate and into town. When we arrived at the emergency entrance of the hospital, Tim opened the door and helped me out. I had to stand there by the side of the truck to have a contraction and then started walking toward the entrance. Inside the first set of doors, I leaned against the wall through another contraction. Tim was beside me and asked if I needed a stretcher. I remember thinking that was a stupid question and thinking that I was fine and would walk through the hospital. The nurse came up then and A.P. or Tim said, “Hi, we are having a baby.” The nurse replied, “I see that, why don’t we get you a wheelchair.” I said (in the middle of a contraction, leaning against the door with my head on the glass) “No thanks, I’m fine. I don’t need a wheelchair, I will just walk.” And I really thought I was! Later on the way through the hospital to the elevator, up to the 4th floor and to the Labor and Delivery wing, I realized that it would have taken me a while to get up there…I am still convinced I could have done it, but it would have taken a while!
When we arrived on the 4th floor there was a nurse waiting for us. She took us into an observation room, saying that she had heard from Becky and they had been expecting us. She asked how my contractions were, when they had started, when my last period was and my EDD. The questions continued and A.P. encouraged her to wait for the records to come from Barbie instead of making us answer all of the questions right then. She agreed and brought in a gown for me to put on (I remember inwardly groaning because it was the last thing I wanted to wear, but then realized that I was shivering in my sweats that were soaked through and it probably wasn’t possible for me wear my down coat all through the labor). As I was changing and working through another contraction, the nurse tried to come back into the room without knocking (the room was directly in front of the main hallway/nurse’s station and the door swung wide gave anyone out there a great view of me) but A.P. quickly stuck his foot out to stop the door and told her that she needed to give us a few minutes. We talked for a few minutes and regrouped emotionally, remembering that this was our labor and birth and they were there to work for us and there was nothing wrong with making our intentions known.
Looking back, I am so thankful to have had A.P. there through everything – he was really good at stating clearly and consistently important things that at the time didn’t seem that important to me (no episiotomy, no drugs, baby right with us, etc.) but really were very important. I was just so focused on working through contractions that I wasn’t able to voice my desires strongly.
After I was dressed and we were ready, A.P. let the nurse back in the room. She came in and hooked me up to the monitor to listen to the baby and she also took my vitals. It was challenging and frustrating and exhausting to try to explain time and time again who we were, why we had showed up on that cold night, why we didn’t have records, etc. This was just the first time of many in the next few days that we would have to explain our “awkward” situation to people.
After this and asking me numerous questions she decided to check how far along I was. By this time, I was really having to focus to not bear down with most contractions and had assumed not long after I had woken up and my water had broken that I had gone through the transition phase (got neasaus, got cold and shaky, was having self doubt and went into being very serious and focused about the whole thing). I was sure I was pretty far along. The nurse checked and without saying anything to us, opened the door and said to the other nurses, “we are moving right now”. A.P. asked how far along I was and she replied that I was fully dialated (it was probably 4 am at this time). He looked completely shocked and then really excited.
As we went down the hallway, we passed Tim (A.P.’s dad) in the hallway. When we saw him, A.P. threw his arms up in the air (like he was crossing the finish line in a race) and shouted “she’s complete!” I think this might be my favorite part of the labor for a few reasons - because it is really funny and still makes me smile. Me being fully dilated really meant something to A.P. (meaning he knew what that meant and it showed me how much he was a part of this process, how interested he was and how much he had invested in learning about it so he could best help me). I also laugh because I am not sure he realized how much work there was still to do after that “milestone” was reached and I’m sure the nurses were probably thinking, “don’t get too exited yet buddy, the work is just beginning.”
Thank you. I read both parts with such interest. It's been a wonderful review! And some things I had never heard. Love you!
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