My mind flashed back to a lazy morning in Cairo as A and I lounged on the cushions in our living room last night. I realized that the peace in our house was almost overwhelming. I laid with my head in A’s lap, his hand on my hair as we reminisced about how we had gotten to this place in life and thanked our Father over and over with blessing us with so much. Outside it was pitch black and there wasn’t a sound; no dogs barking, no motorcycles zooming past, no mullahs, no helicopters overhead, nothing…blissfully silent. Speaking of blissful silence, our beautiful baby boy lay snug in his reindeer pj’s in the next room, sawing logs and most likely dreaming of trikes and fruit snacks. I must admit that I was a little emotional as I reflected on what all had gotten us to this place and how good it was to be here.
On that morning in Cairo 7 years ago we found ourselves in the middle of a park in the same position; A propped up with his back against a tree, me laying down looking up at him with my head on his leg…the stance of every young Egyptian couple in that park, occupying every tree. We only had eyes for each other that morning, ignoring the soccer ball that kept ‘accidentally’ being kicked over toward us and the stares of passersby as they realized that we were not local, no matter how much we desperately tried and wanted to fit in. We were intent on making up for lost time, soaking up the presence of each other that we had so desperately missed the last four months while A had lived Cairo and I was in school in Minnesota.
We smiled last night as we reminisced on our whirlwind week together in that fascinating city. It was packed full to the brim with seeing sights, meeting people, being together and most importantly learning how the Father had molded and shaped us during our time apart. I will admit that I was nervous about the separation, wondering if our blossoming love would stand the test of sporadic phone calls, hectic and stressful schedules and completely opposite time zones. But it did and it was good.
Our conversation drifted to the various locations we have sought the Lord together over the last 8 years – the mountains and beaches and cities of the Philippines, the remote mountain valleys of Lal, on our blissful honeymoon in Colorado, our apartments in Minnesota, our house in Iowa, in the bustling cities of Thailand, the quiet stretches of sand in Indonesia, a rumbling train crossing India and now our little house in M-ville.
I continued to contemplate the defining moments that each of those places held. Like living overseas for the first time in the Philippines and learning how to do that, only to return there a few years later broken and burned out…desperately seeking healing and restoration from the shattered dreams we had of changing the world. Manila has become our refuge and our dear friends there, our family.
We have had amazing experiences digging deep into the Word in Thailand as we learn more and more of this Savior who has captivated us. We have been refreshed by evenings spent eating on the street with friends from around the world who share our passions. The last time we visited, it was bittersweet. We had just left Lal, exhausted and with such mixed feelings…not knowing if we would return to this country or not. We also looked forward to what was to come, were excited to see family and couldn’t wait to meet our child that was making my stomach extend rapidly.
Indonesia has been a place of sweetness for us…both times we have been there, it has been with friends and the fellowship has been rich and challenging. We left both times hopeful that Dad would lead us there to work, but He had other plans.
Lal will always hold a place in our hearts. The place that first captured us with its beauty and simplicity and people. The place that first broke our hearts with its pain and complexity and people…a beautiful paradox.
Our house in Iowa seems like a dream these days. It speaks of the tiny baby who dwelled there. The lazy summer afternoons lounging on a blanket in the yard as we watched the tractors roll by. The months of seeking the Father for our next steps. The months of questioning when/if He would speak. The place we grieved deeply and rejoiced. The place where dear ones gathered and where deep and sacred fellowship happened. I feel like we grew up a lot in the last year.
And here we are in our little house in M-ville. I read the first few paragraphs of this and am amazed. Tonight the dogs are going crazy, airplanes are overhead and the peace that was so tangible that I could have cut it with a knife a few nights ago seems to have vanished. Some days (like today) I am left feeling like we are in way over our heads. But through it all the peace that flooded my heart remains.
We are not here by accident, we didn’t happen upon this by chance. We can’t deny that the hand of the Father has led us here. I marvel as I look at the intricate tapestry that is our life thread by thread. Each place we have sought Him has brought us to this place. Each moment of pain has made us more humble in these days.Times of wondering if He was speaking have caused us to evaluate whether we were really listening. Doubts and fears have caused us to cling tighter to His hand. Desperation has brought us to our knees.
I am not going to lie to you, this is not a walk in the park. We don’t have it all together and we don’t live without fear. These days are hard. But most importantly we know that we don’t do it alone. Some days lately it seem like we have bitten off more than we can chew, but His grace is enough. He proves that each and every second. We are weak and He is strong. He will increase if we decrease. His fingerprints cover each part of our story. Every one of our longings and hopes and dreams are held in His hand. Truly He brings the peace that passes all understanding and we rest in that.
Wonderful Maker - Jeremy Camp
You spread out the skies over empty space
Said, let there be light
To a dark and formless world
Your light was born
You spread out your arms over empty hearts
Said, let there be light
To a dark and hopeless world
Your son was born
You made the world and saw that it was good
You sent your only son, for you are good
CHORUS
What a wonderful maker
What a wonderful savior
How majestic your whispers
And how humble your love
With a strength like no other
And the heart of a father
How majestic your whispers
What a wonderful God
No eye has fully seen how beautiful the cross
And we have only heard the faintest whispers
Of how great you are
You made the world and saw that it was good
You sent your only son, for you are good
What a wonderful maker
What a wonderful savior
How majestic your whispers
And how humble your love
With a strength like no other
And the heart of a father
How majestic your whispers
What a wonderful God
How majestic your whispers
what a wonderful God
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